“

Co-worker: “Here, eat this.”

Me: “Why? What is that?”

Co-worker: “Dunno. It was in the fridge. I think it’s food.”

”
“Jesus is blocked in China. I’m open to alternatives.”
“Projectile vomiting: how China keeps the masses in line. I think it was one of Mao’s lesser-known crowd control tactics. The P.L.A. is particularly feared because their projectile-vomiting range encompasses Taiwan. This is why Taiwan buys U.S. missiles.”
“

Me: “Has anyone seen a Christmas movie about Santa Claus?”

Co-worker: “I saw a movie last year. I am familiar with Santa Claus. He lives at the North Pole?”

Me: “Yes! That’s-”

Co-worker: “And he has a brother? Who is named Fred?”

”
“Sometimes during the day I walk past the Tibet street merchants and I look at the stuff on their carpets and think “I bet that was endangered.”
“Also, they served soft-shelled turtle soup. And I had to drink the liquid. :( Which doesn’t taste bad, but it’s hard to drink when you’re staring at the soup bowl going “FOOT. THAT IS *CLEARLY* A FOOT RIGHT THERE.”
“We’re supposed to wear black exercise pants tomorrow. The only ones I have are heavily spandex-ed. As they are dance pants. This would not be a big issue in the U.S., but that is a lot of ass for China.”
“My American friend has three Chinese women in her office who have named themselves Bertha, Phyllis and Beyonce. She has given them new English names…as a humanitarian gesture.”
“I couldn’t find my name on the game schedule for tomorrow. Either my English or Chinese name.
and I just noticed they had me listed as “杰西” “jie-xi” which is a phonetic translation meaning “outstanding westerner”
“

My Coworker: “There used to be lots of stray dogs around [the office]. But [management] decided to get rid of them. So a lot of people took them home.”

Me: “Oh that’s so sweet!”

Coworker: “Yes, but there were so many dogs! People couldn’t eat them all!”

Me: “….oh. oh god.”

”